


Priority: Shepard

by SilentSiren



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 19:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentSiren/pseuds/SilentSiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's almost a year after the Crucible is fired and no one really has any clue just what exactly happened. That is, until it is revealed that the legendary Commander Shepard is alive. The Commander takes the hot seat in front of the camera to answer the galaxies burning questions. War stories, romance, humour, tragedy... everything a good story needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Speek Freely

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is loosely based off my playthrough of ME3 with a 90% paragon FemShep with a lot on non-canon additions to keep the 'fiction' in fanfiction. Don't own Mass Effect etc. I apologise if this is a bit wordy or boring, I wrote this initially to help me understand what happened in the game and get my feels in order. Bit of game narration and a lot of recounting head canons I have.  
> Major spoilers for ME3 and especially the ending, duh.

Shepard walked across the studio stage and sat on the couch that an assistant stage director point to, fluffing about with her uniform, pulling it or picking at little bits of fluff. She looked around her nervously at the crew that milled about who were trying not to stare at her, the cameras that pointed at her, the lights above her that highlighted her to the world she was about to speak to. She spotted Liara behind her and was able to catch her gaze for a moment. Liara gave her a reassuring smile that she would be right there the entire time if she needed her.

_Ha! I took on a Reaper with less nervousness than this!_

Diana Allers joined Shepard on stage and sat on the couch opposite, fiddling with a data pad for a few moments before she signalled her crew that she was ready to begin. Shepard glanced at the cameras and saw their recording lights blink on. She looked away.

“Hello gentle-viewers and welcome to tonight’s exclusive episode of Battle Space where we talk with the legendary Commander Shepard,” Diana Allers introduced the start of her show and the camera pulled back to reveal the woman in the question to the audience. Shepard was dressed in her usual military fatigues with her growing red hair now cascading down past her shoulders in little waves, a testament to the time that had passed since any member of the public had last seen her. Shepard waves towards the camera once before turning her attention to the reporter in front of her.

“Commander, how are you? It’s been a long time since anyone saw you, there were lots of rumours regarding your demise.”

“My demise?” She laughed “Well hopefully I can persuade the public that those rumours are false, I mean, last I heard I was alive,” The comment was light hearted and she hoped it would break the ice but Shepard knew the rest of the interview wouldn’t proceed long with such easy questions, “I’m good, I’m still in one piece thanks to some uh… very intelligent individuals and a few with personal interest.”

“That’s all very mysterious Commander,” Diana prompted. She was hoping to get details on Shepard’s injuries and her recovery.

“It is but I’m afraid that at this time that is about all I can say on the matter directly. A small team of people have been working closely with me to patch me up post Reaper invasion but as your viewers can now see for themselves, I am alive and well and stronger than ever. I won’t be dying any time soon,” Her bright blue eyes shone as if to add to the point.

“Do you think you will be returning to active duty?”

“No. Well, there’s still a lot happening behind the scenes not just with myself but with powers that be. We’re trying to establish a government of sorts to create some order to this chaos,” Shepard almost laughed as she remembered the Catalysts words to her on the chaos of the universe, “It’s all very touch and go and communication remains a problem.”

“That’s mildly conflicting Commander, first you said no but now you’re saying you’re working with officials to form a government. Are you uncertain of what you want to do?” 

“The future is largely uncertain, there’s a lot that needs to be co-ordinated to help get each race back on their feet so we can move forward with the lives we have secured for ourselves.” 

“What happens when the galaxy next needs you to save the day? Will you be there for humanity and the supporters you’ve gained?”

“Hopefully the world doesn’t need any more saving, but I suppose someone will have to kick the next threats ass to kingdom come, so, yeah, I’d probably be there.”

“It’s comforting to know that you’re on our side and still willing to fight on our behalf, even with everything you have been through already,” Shepard nodded her acceptance of the praise but chose not to comment on it, she was becoming more used to the never ending hero worship she received but still wasn’t entirely sure how to respond at times, “What about your crew? Where do they stand in all of this?”

“I lost a fair few of my crew in the final mission including my shuttle pilot Steve, my engineers Adams and Donnelly, my Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, my squadmate James Vega and my dear friend Major Kaiden Alenko. I haven’t been able to get in contact or find all of my crew yet, only my pilot Joker, EDI our AI and my wife Liara. The four of us have managed to get back together and we’re working as team to pull the galaxy back up. They’re on board with me and ready for whatever I have to throw at them next, we just need a ship that can fly.”

“The Normandy, what happened to it when you activated the Catalyst?”

“Joker tried to outrun the blast but when it reached him, he lost control with the force of the explosion and the Normandy crash landed onto Earth. My surviving crew were lucky to get out alive.”

“Where is the Normandy now Commander?”

“The Alliance has her and they are making superficial repairs, she won’t be flying anytime soon though.”

“That’s a shame Commander, the Normandy has become such a part of you and your crew has it not?”

“The Normandy and its crew aboard her are my home. It’s a little known fact that the Alliance has given me the Normandy as my own personal ship, currently it’s being used as a place of residence for my crew and the officers working to try and bring her sky worthy again.”

“WOW! The Alliance _gave_ you the Normandy?

“The Normandy represents the best of the humanity, it was a symbol of what humanity could achieve if given the chance. It has always been the single best and most prized part of our fleet. When I got out of ‘hospital’ if you wanna call it that, the Alliance wanted to throw awards at me left, right and centre but I wouldn’t listen to anything they had to say until they answered my questions about the Normandy and my crew. When they pursued the matter further I somewhat jokingly told them that I would rather have the Normandy fly again than have a dress uniform filled with medals and do you know what they said to me?” Diana shook her head; no one officially knew anything about Shepard or what she had been up to since she had set off the Catalyst. According to public record she had died saving the galaxy. “They said ‘she’s yours, we want the best to have the best’.”

“That’s incredible!”

“It really is, and I certainly hope that one day I’ll be able to make good use of her as more than my housing estate.”

“I have no doubt that you will. It sounds as though you could have anything in the galaxy if you asked for it.”

“Yes, I hadn’t expected the Alliance to just hand the Normandy over to me completely like that,” Shepard frowned, she didn’t want things simply handed to her because of her good deeds, “I’ll have to be more careful about what I say in the future.”

“Of anything in the galaxy, what would you want?”

“I have everything I want and need already, I have my family, I have my friends, somewhere to sleep, food to eat, and I even have the Normandy which I hadn’t even thought of taking possession of. That’s a lot more than what some people have. My only hope is to be able to give other people the same basic necessities. Of anything in the galaxy I want to restore peace to it.”


	2. Battle For London

“Alright Commander Shepard you’re the woman with all the answers, let’s gets down to business and talk about the questions that are hot on everybody’s mind; the fight to retake Earth or as it is becoming known as, The Battle for London, since that’s where the fight really lay.”

“Sure, I’ll try to answer anything as best I can but understand that I may not be at liberty to answer all your questions.”

“Noted.” Diana kept her focus on Shepard and didn’t even look down at her datapad to read the first question, “How did you plan for the final battle?”

Shepard rubbed her neck, _Geez, before the final battle? What did I even do…Illusive man! That’s right! Damn that was so long ago now,_ “Everything was pretty hectic; some things just kinda, blur, and merge together. Before I came to Earth specialist Traynor thought she had found the Illusive man’s base of operations and given what he had done with Sanctuary we decided that it was in everyone’s best interest to take a look. Traynor was right. We launched an assault on the base, gathering as much data on their experiments and operations as we could find while we wiped out their operatives and tried to find the last pieces of information on what the Catalyst was. So between fighting Cerberus forces, creations and intel gathering there wasn’t much time to prepare anything further, only the time it took us to get from the base to the Sol system. In that time I had to make sure my crew were fully prepared and when I was satisfied that they were ready Liara and I spent the remainder of the trip together, reflecting.” She knew it was a twist of the truth, and from the look on Diana Allers face, she knew it too. _I’m sure they can piece together the rest of what happened between Liara and I on their own, no need to throw away what little privacy the two of us have._ Shepard grinned, recalling the events of that night and the surprises her asari lover pulled on her.

_Shepard._ She heard Liara voice a warning in her head, clearly she knew what she was thinking and didn’t want a single detail shared. Shepard cleared her throat to try and pull back her full blown cheeky grin.  

“What was it like fighting the Reapers?”

The question pulled her back from her memories and she refocused on the interview, “You’d think that once we found their weak spot they would be easier to kill but they really weren’t. In order to have a chance at killing a Reaper you had to hit their charge beam opening. For example there was a time on Rannoch when we had a chance to take down a Reaper and with the assistance of a targeting laser I was able to guide down an orbital strike from the Quarians Migrant Fleet.”

Allers pieced together the rest of what Shepard was saying and was suitably stunned, “You stood in front of a Reaper as it charged its ray of death and aimed a targeting laser at it, hoping that the Quarians could kill it before it killed you?”

“Yyyyep,” Shepard nodded and sat back with a satisfied smile, throwing her arm over the back of the couch. Sometimes she thought she deserved the right to be just a little smug.

“That would have been a very risky move Commander.”

“Indeed it was, my squad were none too happy about it, hell, even Legion didn’t like it. But I had faith in the Quarians and in my ability to aim fast. I’m an excellent shot you know.”

“One wrong move and the galaxies last hope would have gone up in a blaze of glory.”

“It wasn’t the first suicidal thing I’ve done in the name of saving the day.” Shepard wanted to point out.

“That seems to be a habit of yours Commander, can we expect any further such actions coming from you in the future?”

Shepard’s smile dropped instantly and she sat forward again. While she had done many seemingly reckless things in her time of saving all existence she did value her life, everything she had done she did because she felt she had to for the good of humanity. Her voice dropped to reflect the change in her mood at the accusation, “No. My actions were a necessary evil and are not to be taken lightly. I do not condone such antics and contrary to popular belief would like to avoid them as much as possible. Especially now, we have our whole future ahead of us, let’s not squander that chance.” She spoke with a tone of complete seriousness, fully aware of the many crazy stunts she had pulled in the past and not wishing for anyone to try and repeat her heroics.

“Would you say that your training in the Alliance Military saved your life in those situations?”

“Most certainly. I went through extreme and rigours training, there were few who reached the proficiency level of N7 and stayed with the Alliance for as long as I have. But training is useless if you don’t know how to improvise and adapt what you’ve learned to any situation, if you can’t apply the knowledge that you’ve learned then you won’t survive long outside of the simulations.”

“Would you recommend a life in the military?”

“It all depends on your situation, right now the Alliance is the saving grace of Earth as we rebuild and we can definitely use the help. You don’t have to enlist to assist either, civilian personal are just as welcomed as enlistments. Personally I am biased since joining the military saved my life.”

“Technically  if you think about it, it’s also what got you killed.”

“Hazard of the job being an N7 and humanities first Spectre. I knew what I was in for when I signed up but being in the military was better than being on the streets, and no one takes on a Spectre position without knowing the risks they’re facing. It was bound to happen eventually. To be honest though when I first signed up at 16 I didn’t expect to live very long with the state I was in. That I even scrapped through to be accepted felt like a damn miracle, basic training wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I already had the basic instinct to fight ingrained so that made it easier. Life has really just been one battle after another.”

“Do you remember what it was like the first time you stepped onto a battlefield?”

“I was excited. I was still pretty new and we were being briefed again on our mission as we sat in a squashed Mako tank, bumping over the surface of Akuze until the ground quaked beneath us and the next thing I hear is this ungodly screech. The Mako flips then rolls a few times and not everyone makes it out. There were three other tanks with us at the time and within minutes every one of those men and women who had been with me where dead.”

“I can’t imagine what that must have been like…it must have been tremendously difficult for you Commander.”

“I’m a survivor, I fought to stay alive and with a little luck and firepower I was able to achieve that.” Shepard didn’t want to say anything more on the matter, it was old news but still didn’t sit well with her even after so many years.

“As a seasoned warrior what was it like in comparison when you arrived in London?”

“Chaos. Words alone cannot describe the horror and confusion you see on the front lines of war. It was a scene of utter devastation. I knew it would be bad but you can’t possibly imagine what it’s going to look like, feel like or sound like until you get there. Buildings that once stood tall and strong are decimated down to the foundations, concrete pillars block the roads and whole walls cover sidewalks. Piles of rubble created mountains on flat roads. Crashed ships cover streets with their wreckage and broken tanks sit where houses are supposed to. It was like a ghost town if not for the bullets flying everywhere. Everything looked bare and uninhabitable. It’s incomparable to Akuze, they were two entirely different times, missions, locations, people… I was ill prepared for Akuze and Akuze meant nothing to me until the attack on my unit, the attack on Earth was an attack at my _home,_ and when we fought back I had the entire galaxy on my side.”

“What happened when you touched down?”

“We barely touched down at all, my shuttle pilot dropped us off by the crash site of another squad I was a bringing with us to look for any survivors and gather their heavy weapons. Immediately we were swarmed by enemy forces and engaged in battle until I got word from my shuttle pilot, Steve that he was going down. It was a tough loss, Steve was excellent at his job and a valued member of my team. With our shuttle gone we had to hold our position until someone could pick us up. It got a bit hairy but we got out of there. There is nothing tougher than war, out there you have to focus all your energy on your surroundings, if your mind wanders off the field for even a second you’re dead, if you forget to check behind you you’re dead, if you don’t check the sky or rooftops or second story windows you’re dead. The battlefield is loud, enemy fire and your own weapons can drown out important communications between your unit and base, miss something critical and you’re dead. There’s a lot of ways to die in a war, surviving one is a hell of a task, rescuing another ally while noble is almost certainly going to get you killed. I knew I was asking a lot for a team to come pick us up.”

“So who then was brave enough to come to your rescue?”

“Admiral Anderson.” Shepard answered proudly, “He pulled our asses out of the firing line and was able to deliver us all safely to the London Base.”

“From what we’ve managed to piece together you didn’t spend a lot of time at London Base but you certainly made a lasting impact. Commander a soldier at the London Base said that while you were the perimeter was breached and you took over a turret and single handedly wiped out the waves of husks and cannibals that swarmed you, how did you manage that?”

“Anger. When I touched down on Earth and saw what the Reapers had done to my home planet, to my city, to my people, I was angry. Mix that with adrenaline in an angry and well trained soldier and they can do almost anything.”

“What happened when you spoke with the troops stationed there?”

Shepard sighed, “Everyone said something different but they all ran along the same themes. They kept telling me I was a hero, that it was the end for us all… my crew kept saying ‘goodbye’ and that it was a pleasure serving with me,” Shepard shook her head, “They had faith in me but no one really believed that I could or would pull it off. Hell, even my own ships AI, EDI, had her doubts. It took a decent effort to raise the morale in my troops and my squad, to get them to remember that we had the best chance of any civilisation before us. I wouldn’t let them say goodbye and I wouldn’t leave them until they believed we could win.”

“Sources say you tired of hearing ‘goodbye’,” The reporter prompted.

_How does she even have any sources after this war?!_ Shepard smirked at the memory it brought forward, “By the time I got to speak with Liara I was tired of hearing goodbyes, I refused to let her say the words.”

“And?”

“Thankfully she didn’t try to say them but uh… I can’t anything more on that little matter _and_ keep this interview even vaguely ‘family friendly’,” Shepard looked at her pointedly and then her eyes dropped to the floor as her train of thought continued in another direction. She hoped no children would watch the program they were recording; no child should hear what she went through. _But then again, no child should have to see war either._ Shepard frowned.

The reporter looked at the camera with her own knowing look before continuing, “What happened when-”

“You know,” Shepard interrupted, “I’ve been asked what I saw on Earth but I haven’t yet been asked what I _heard_.”

“What did you hear Commander?” Diana took the hint.

“A woman. She was in radio communication with the London base doctor who gave her directions on how to make and tie a tourniquet for a fellow soldier who had lost his leg. She succeeded but nothing could be done to save the man. Unable to save her squad and fearing that the nearby Reaper would turn her into a husk she took the Corporal’s weapon and her last communication was ‘goodbye’.” Shepard quietened as she spoke slowly and Liara recognised the haunted tone of voice that was developing as her facial expressions changed and she seemed to get further away, “There was nothing I could do to stop her, nothing either of us could do to save her. The two of us just, stood there, helpless and frustrated that we couldn’t do anything.” She hadn’t intended to tell the story but the words just kept flowing out of her mouth anyway. “In that moment I understood why our civilians had been so ready to take up arms, why everyone who was old enough to hold a gun without shooting themselves was requesting to join their military. No one wanted to feel that kind of helplessness, they needed to feel as if they were doing something to help.”

Shepard didn’t look up, her gaze remained steadfastly on the floor in front of her, her eyes becoming more unfocused as she spoke and Liara, who was standing on the sidelines of the interview waved at Allers to call for a break to check on her. She didn’t want Shepard’s mind to get stuck in the past, reliving the events that happened that day, she had to refocus her on the here and now.

Shepard felt the pit of despair in her stomach drop again, the burden of living press down upon her chest as she imagines the wreckage left behind her. The Quarians, London, Palovan, Thessia, the Citadel, all the wreckage of the destroyed ships floating in Earth’s orbit it all surged to the front of her visual mind.

Diana saw the signal and turned to face the camera, “A strong example of the human races inbuilt desire for survival. We’ll be back with more questions from our viewers, right after the break.”

“So close to the end and they were all losing hope…” Shepard could see the broken soldiers’ faces, their fear, their doubt, their pain, they wanted to stop fighting and give up. She wasn’t sure who she was talking to anymore, or she was just speaking to hear the words aloud.

The stage lights dimmed, Diana stood up from the couch and moved away as Liara jogged across the stage to the Commander’s side, kneeling down, “Shepard?” She placed her hand on the woman’s cheek, lifting her head and forcing eye contact, “Are you alright? We can stop if you want.”

The movement was enough to snap the thread of thought. Shepard’s view of the asari was blurry, “She had been fighting so hard Liara, for her life, for her squad, for her planet… for me. And then when we were so close to winning she gave up hope and killed herself and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop her.”

“Remember what we talked about before?” Liara spoke gently.

“Yes. I’m not to blame for that woman’s death,” She recited and she knew it was true, she didn’t directly blame herself for what had happened but she certainly felt bad about it all the same.

“You saved the galaxy and every race in it from extinction.” Liara reminded her.

“Not all of them,” Shepard whispered, desperately trying to keep herself under control in front of everyone. Liara knew exactly what she was talking about, they had talked about it many times over the months during Shepard’s recovery.

Shepard’s recovery. Healing burns, realigning bones and repairing organs were easy, but fixing the mind was infinitely more difficult. No amount of medi gel could rouse a person’s consciousness from within itself. At first Shepard hadn’t been able to speak, the weight of her grief keeping her vocal cords as still and silent as the rest of her. She simply lay in her bed too guilty to speak, too tired to focus, too broken to move… Alone. Alone in her thoughts.

The Alliance had kept Shepard from her and for that Liara distrusted them. If they had let her know earlier perhaps their Commander would not have completely shut off. Liara would never forget the day that the Alliance finally admitted to her that Shepard was alive and they’d had her for two months. She had been furious with them, a moment away from throwing them all across the room if not for Joker and EDI’s combined effort to restore logic and reasoning to her thought processes. The Alliance confessed that restoring the Commander had not gone quite as they had planned; while she was healed she was unresponsive. Liara chastised their secrecy and demanded to see Shepard for herself, reminding them that she was a woman with many resources. With no other options available to them they agreed.

Even then it took weeks before Shepard was able to tell her everything that happened as she remembered it. Another month before she was ready to speak to anyone else and a few more weeks on top of that before she let representatives of the Alliance anywhere near her. Liara would not let Shepard be alone for a single second. Their fight wasn’t over yet, both still had nightmares and lasting struggles to deal with. But they had promised each other to get through it together. Liara wasn’t able to be there for Shepard when the Alliance first pulled her back from death, but she had vowed to be there now and for as long as Shepard would have her.

“You did all you could to broker a peace with the Geth and the Quarians, what happened is not your fault either. The Quarians ignored your orders and are to blame for their demise.”

Shepard nodded and tried to take those words to heart, taking a deep breath while reminding herself that she had done the best she could, and then two smaller ones before finally giving a nod and a small smile, “I’ll be okay, I need to do this and the galaxy want to know what happened. This way I’ll only have to say it once.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll be fine.” Shepard dodged the question and Liara wasn’t buying it.

“Are you _sure_?” Anything less than ‘yes’ was an unacceptable answer for Liara.

“Yes.”

Shepard looked into Liara’s eyes and took her hands in hers, rubbing them softly she leaned and whispered into her ear so no one else would hear them, and then kissed her cheek as she pulled back. She squeezed Liara’s hands and then let them go, sitting back in her chair and running a smoothing hand over the front of her uniform. She was ready to continue.


	3. The Crucible and Catalyst

“What can you tell us about the Crucible?”

Shepard shifted upright again, “The Crucible really pulled everyone together, the greatest minds in the galaxy gathered in one location, putting all their effort, time, money and resources into reaching a common goal as quickly as possible. Anyone who knew something about anything offered to help or sent someone who could. When construction began no one even knew what they were working on. No one fully understood just what it was that we were creating. We thought we were building a weapon of mass destruction and we were very very wrong. I couldn’t comprehend what I saw when I was on the Citadel for the longest time. It uh… it wasn’t what we thought it was. The Catalyst is what changed everything; we had no idea what we were dealing with.”

“I’ll ask you about the Catalyst in a minute but first, Commander Shepard, would you tell us about the final push to the beam? Describe the scene to us.”

Shepard took a very slow and deep breath, tightening her left hand into a fist. That push to the beam gave her nightmares. Ships, tanks, soldiers, all taken out by the Reapers. It was an outright slaughter and still very raw in Shepard’s mind, the truth of what happened on the battlefield still shook her, “It was madness out there, tanks fell over our heads, ships crashed by our feet, fellow soldiers running beside us were suddenly gone, beams carved trenches in the ground as they narrowly passed... Who lived and who died was purely a matter of chance. Can you roll fast enough? Can you guess where the beam will descend next? Can you run hard enough and for long enough? There is no reason why I should even be alive, I wasn’t directly hit by a beam but just the proximity as it whooshed by a meter away from me was enough to burn right through my armour. Parts of it got torn off completely. I would have taken it all off if the pressure it provided wasn’t the only thing keeping me from bleeding out. In any other situation where the galaxy wasn’t depending on me to save them I would most likely have stayed there. I remember saying to Anderson that I felt like death, there wasn’t a part of me that didn’t hurt.”

When Shepard stopped the reporter urged her to continue, “But you got back up.” But Diana wished she could have questioned her further about the Admiral, asked what happened between the two of them up in the Citadel… However she was told such a question was off limits, any attempt to ask a vetoed question would result in immediate termination of the interview. She wanted to know what happened that day as much as the public so she didn’t risk approaching the subject directly.

“But I got back up, pretty much stumbled into the beam that launched me into the Citadel.”

“Very little is known about what happened in the final moments of the Battle for London, the last most people knew you were part of the final push to get to the Citadel or the Catalyst as it was being called, to open the arms so the Crucible could dock. What can you remember about the Catalyst?”

“I remember everything. When I got inside I discovered that Anderson had made it up as well, we had no idea where we were but what we saw made little sense to us. There were human remains pilled on either side, presumably stored there before being turned into husks, it was like staring at a mass grave. When I started moving forward a keeper passed by me as if nothing were wrong, I suppose to it nothing was wrong, it was just doing its job but I was infuriated. The keepers are linked not only to the Citadel but to the Reapers, I’m afraid to say that I shot the poor creature for its part in our war…” Shepard shook her head, dismayed with her own actions, “Anyway, when I got to the control panel to open the Citadel arms Admiral Anderson was already there but so was the Illusive man, I have no idea how he got to the Citadel or when.  I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised he was there.”

“Did he try to kill you?”

“No, despite our differences the Illusive admired me for my abilities and strength. He tried to tell me that the Reapers didn’t have to be destroyed, he suggest that instead they could be controlled. He wanted to use the Reapers to make humanity the most feared species in the galaxy. There was no reasoning with him, he was indoctrinated but couldn’t see it.”

“How did you know that you yourself weren’t indoctrinated?”

Shepard gave a small smile, as if she found something about that question mildly amusing, “For one, because I still believed that destroying the Reapers was the best course of action and secondly I could feel the pull of the Reaper forces as they _tried_ to indoctrinate me. As Liara has said many times to me in the past, I am a very stubborn woman, set in my ways and I wasn’t about to be swayed then. I could feel the desperation as the Reapers tried, their will was strong, fighting them was not an easy feat at all, it caused one hell of a headache and distorted my vision…” Shepard paused momentarily to wonder if she should admit to what happened next. _I didn’t come here to lie._ She reminded herself, “They almost had me too, they made me shoot Anderson and the Illusive man just… _smiled_ when I did. Eventually I killed him too, he had to answer for his crimes against humanity, against the galaxy. I figured that I had the authority from the council since they made me a Spectre to keep the peace and then seemed like a good time to end his reign. It wasn’t like anyone was gonna miss him. Besides, I didn’t want to give him even the slightest chance of weaselling his way out of punishment and slipping between the cracks.”

“No one faults you for your actions Shepard,” Diana backed her with a strong smile of support.

Shepard nodded her thanks and continued her story, “I remember when I opened the arms to Citadel I thought I was done, I thought it was finally over. I sat next to Anderson in his final moments believing I could finally stop, I thought my fight was through.” Shepard almost laughed, “And then someone called my name and told me they needed me.” 

“What happened then?” Diana was in awe as she imagined the struggle, transfixed by Shepard’s voice and desiring to hear more.

“The arms of the Citadel were open but the Crucible didn’t fire so they needed me to do something on my end to get it started. I tried to look but by that time I couldn’t stand. Fatigue, exhaustion, injury, all threatened to keep me there beside Anderson but thankfully I didn’t have to stand, a platform rose and it brought me to the Catalyst. You see the Catalyst was not a weapon as we all first thought; it was an evolved form of artificial intelligence that had been residing in the Citadel.  It appeared to me in the form of a human boy I had met during the Fall of Earth at the beginning of the Reaper Invasion and it spoke to me.”

“Did the Catalyst try to influence you?”

“No, the Catalyst did not try to influence me. Believe it or not it tried to educate me about the cycle and what it was that I was really fighting against. I’ll try to paraphrase what it said to me: In the galaxy there exists a pattern, many patterns actually, but one repeating pattern poses a deadly threat to all organic life if left unchecked. Organic races that created synthetics were always befallen by their creations. The Catalyst was created to implement a solution to this problem, that solution being the Reapers. It was the Catalysts job to oversee that the cycle repeat itself in such a way that organic life would not be wiped out beyond repair. Our civilisation however was more advanced than they had realised, evidenced by my presence in the Catalysts chambers, the first organic since its creation. It proposed that a new solution was required but could not be implemented without my intervention. It gave me a choice: destroy the Reapers, control them, or synthesis.”

“That sounds too easy, what was the catch?”

“If I destroyed the Reapers, as was my initial plan, I would also be extincting ALL synthetic life AND all the Mass Relays would explode. If I chose to control the Reapers as the Illusive Man had suggested, my consciousness would replace that of the Catalysts AI, and it told me that was a viable option since I had not been corrupted by the Reapers indoctrination. Annnnnnd then it gave me a third option just to throw a spanner in the works, it told me that I could merge organic and synthetic life, thereby negating the pattern in which organics get wiped out by their synthetic creations and restore balance to the galaxy, creating a new pattern of life.”

“That must have been one of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make.”

Now Shepard did laugh at that, “I’ve been forced to save or extinct enter species, a few times even been asked to choose who lives and who dies, so this uh, this is definitely up there in the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make list. But that night as I stood there faced with choices of epic proportions my mind was turning itself inside out trying to understand the mechanics at work that I was seeing, nothing made sense and all I knew was that the longer I stood there, the more people died. Walking into the Catalyst, yes, I managed to _walk_ and it was no easy task I’d like to add, I expected to be deploying a weapon that would wipe out the Reapers and potentially the entire Citadel with the force of its proposed power. To instead be proposed with the greatest philosophical decision in our entire galactic history so far really threw me for a loop. Suddenly I held the entire future in my hands but in an entirely different light. Alone, I had to decide what I thought was right for the entire galaxy, with no comms I couldn’t ask anyone for help, couldn’t get an idea from the people, I just had to do what I thought was right. All of a sudden I was the only source for morality in the world. It was terrifying, what if I made the wrong choice and all organic life suffered for it? It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do alone.”

“’Alone’, I notice you stressed the word there,” Diana prompted.

“In my time in the military and as a Spectre I was never alone; I always had someone I could go to if I had a problem. I had the chain of command, the council, my crew, my squad, Liara… There were people around me where ever I was until that moment I just mentioned. Then I was truly alone, cut off from everyone I knew, no one knew if I was dead or alive they had no way to contact me and vice versa. I stressed the word ‘alone’ to remind myself, and today to remind your viewers, that like me they are not alone. No one has to be alone anymore. If you need something or someone speak up, be heard and someone _will_ help you. All you have to do is ask.”

“Your words are truly inspiring Commander Shepard. Would you be willing to tell us what the most terrifying moment of your time in the Alliance was and how you overcame that?”

“There is no stand-alone event that was worse than another, there have been many missions that were equal parts horrific and terrifying but I can share one story from the battle of London to give you an idea. While making my way through no man’s land with EDI and Liara we got caught in an underground parking lot with two brutes and a swarm of husks. EDI and Liara had taken shelter behind a destroyed shuttle and subsequently got pinned there, both of them went down, a brute charged at me and when I turned to run in the other direction I ran right into a husk and hand to hand combat. What saved my life in that moment was superior strength. I pulled it away from me, crushed its neck and stomped on its skull, instantly killing it.”

“Brutal. Do you have any regrets about such actions?”

“About a husk? No. I long ago learned to separate a husk from a human, if I didn’t it would have been devastating if I had to think about who that husk might have been, if they had family, friends, children. I had to tell myself that a husk was a machine, a virus driven machine that had to be eradicated. If I didn’t I would have lost my mind. People call me a hero but war is not something to be glorified. There were many close incidents like the one I just described, not only in the Battle for London but throughout my entire life. Nothing has ever been easy.”

“Your service record alone certainly proves that, you enlisted at the age of 18 is that correct?”

“16. I lied about my age,” Shepard grinned, but also noted that Diana obviously hadn’t picked up on her earlier comment about enlisting at 16. _Or she has ulterior questions she wishes to ask stemming from this._

“Ahhh, so there is a renegade steak in you.”

Shepard could clearly imagine her crews varying reactions to that comment if they had been with her in that moment and her smile grew, “I’m sure that the members of the Normandy would have many stories they would love to share with you on the matter.”

“Commander, I know that lying on an application to join the Alliance is a dismissible offence, what do you think would have happened if you had not been allowed into the military?”

 _To me or the galaxy?_ “My true age was not discovered until two years into my service by which time I had gained the friendship of some higher ups who petitioned for me to stay on at the Academy when the truth came to light. But if I had been kicked out of the Alliance Military?” Shepard paused for a moment to recollect her situation before joining the Alliance, “No one would know who I was and I probably wouldn’t have lived to see my 17th birthday. As for the rest of the galaxy… well, either we’d all have been wiped out OR someone else would have stepped up and saved us all.”

“Do you think that there is someone else who could have done what you did?”

“It’s entirely possible, but if so I haven’t met them yet. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some amazing people in my time, my crew is the best there is but they have told me many times that they are only as efficient as I have led them to be. I tend not to believe them when they say things like that, they’re great people, capable of extraordinary things on their own, any number of people can lead a ship and anyone could have led the Normandy.”

“But?” Diana had a feeling that Shepard left something unsaid.

“I wouldn’t give the Normandy up for anything. She and the crew aboard her are my family. I know each and every crew member by name, I know their relational status, I know their allergies, I know their weakness and strengths and replacing those I lost in London has been difficult. We’re a tight knit group on the Normandy.”

The reporter nodded and then moved on with her questions, “Some of your fans are interested to know what your call sign was during the Battle for London.”

“Officially it was Zulu but it didn’t get used.”

“Why Zulu and not Alpha?”

“Because I was the galaxies last line of defence. It was my choice, I could have picked anything I wanted as my call sign but I didn’t want anything too flashy or gung-ho. I wanted something simple, military, but with some significance. ”

“I believe you have developed an interesting title from that battle did you not?”

Shepard scowled and shifted in her seat, “Yes, despite my efforts some of the soldiers came up a different call sign for me: Seraphim. A Seraphim being a six winged angel of the highest order with a fiery passion for doing good. Interestingly, they were also said to be impatient, intelligent, celestial beings.” She cringed just reciting the information.

“Are you a religious woman Commander?”

“No. Not by any means but I understand the sentiment behind the title the people have tried to label me with, even if I feel it wrong to be applied to me. I am the furthest thing from an angel, I’ve killed hundreds, potentially billions depending on how you want to look at it. I am responsible for the extinction of an entire species, a god or an angel would have been able to broker peace one way or another. An angel doesn’t make mistakes that wipe out entire races. The name does not and should not be applied to me.”

With nothing to follow up Shepard’s unexpectedly hard answer and sharp tone the reporter continues, looking down at the pages and pages of digital questions lined up on her data pad, “Is it true that officers address you as ‘sir’?”

“Yes. In human society that is a great honour and a deep sign of respect. By Alliance Military rules every officer is required to address their superiors by either ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’. Traditionally human history has been dominated by males, so a female offer being calling addressed as ‘sir’ is a sign that an officer holds great respect for her. It’s an honour.”

“Do you have any funny stories you can tell us from the war?”

“One time I turned around and found a husk straddling EDI. I laughed for weeks, Joker was horrified.”

The shortness of the response was not lost on anyone, there’s not a whole lot funny about war.

“Thank you Commander Shepard,” Allers turned to look into the camera, “Up next we speak with Shepard’s wife Liara T’Soni and some of her squadmates. Stay tuned for those updates.”


End file.
